Wow......life.....

Ok, so I've been down and whining a lot lately. I still feel like whining, but have made the decision that it's just not going to make things better no matter how much I wish it would.

Life sucks. Life isn't fair.

"Life is a handful of short stories, pretending to be a novel."

- Anonymous

I have decided my short stories need to be polished so that the novel of my life is worth reading. Cliche? Maybe, but I love that quote. And I think it's time to apply it to my life.

All the short stories that made up my childhood and young adult life are over and cannot be edited. :) So, I will concentrate on the current story of my life.

I have moved. That is a good thing. Sad, but good. I will take the house I now live in and make it my own. I will decorate, I will infuse who I am into each corner so that anyone who comes to visit will see me. Will know me. Not that anyone will actually visit.

I will edit my story to do things that make me happy. I will strive to be friendlier, to be more open. I'll struggle through that editing since I'm shy by nature. Nanette!! I need you to come validate my editing!!! Ahem, sorry.

Another quote I'm fond of and which played a significant part in the short story where I lose my husband is this:

"The real reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life gets again after the hell is over."

- Ernest Hemingway

 I love Ernest.

I contemplated that...when I lost him. But ultimately, I wasn't ready to go, even if I didn't know it and the pain was so great that I never thought I'd breath again.

I'm breathing now. Of course, life has a way of throwing things at me that make my breathing hitch, and not in a good way.

I lost a friend recently. My heart goes out to his partner. They were one of those couples that made your heart warm and your life a little brighter. But, it's never easy being the one left behind. I know. Very well.

But life goes on. There is nothing you can do about it. What you can do is chose how to live your life with a very significant part of you missing.

After listening to so many people, advice, condolences, etc. I realized. My soul mate would not want me to wallow in misery, self pity or grieve for him. He is happy. He is free. I should be happy for him. Now, that said, it is so much harder to do than to say. The pain is intense. It doesn't go away. Whether you lost this love yesterday, or years ago, the pain is there. It just fades to the background, only to flare up when something happens to remind you of it.

Like losing a friend.

But, really, when you think hard about it. Isn't the pain of loss better than being numb? I used to think that wasn't true. I'd rather be numb than hurting so bad. But that old saying, "It's better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all", is true. My life is richer for knowing my husband. My life is richer for knowing my friend. My heart breaks for his partner, knowing what he is going through.

My dear bear friend, I won't regal you with cliche's that mean nothing. But I will tell you that the pain fill fade enough to breath again.

Movie - Addict

So, as many know, I collect movies. It began with my husband and I, so the collection has been going on for nearly 30 years. That said, you can imagine how many I have. At last count, it was close to 6,000. As you can also imagine, it's a bitch to move all those movies each time I switch homes. :)

Most of them are in VHS form, hence the heavy, heavy boxes. I have decided, they need to go. At least the VHS ones. I will miss the covers, of course, but they take up sooooo much room. I plan on buying one of those VHS to DVD burners. I may be giving up the physical movies themselves, but could never give up the actual films.

There are a handful that I won't be relinquishing. The John Wayne movies that were my husband's. He was huge fan of The Duke. A few of the cult movies, like Rocky Horror Picture Show and Little Shop of Horrors (both versions). Maybe a few of the series ones (I have every Elm Street, Halloween, and Friday the 13th, go Freddy, Michael and Jason!! lol). And a couple of the old classics, like The Ten Commandments and The Robe, along with Psycho and Vertigo.

Now see? There I go again, putting off getting rid of the excess baggage. *sighs* It's not easy letting go. Every movie I have, I have watched at least twice, if not more times. My poor LOTR's Extended Version set barely sees the inside of it's box. But then, that's in DVD, so no panicking over getting rid of those. But I will do this! All I have to do is remind myself about carting those boxes around. Right now? They are stacked in my walk-in closet for lack of a better place to put them.

As I said, I'll miss the covers, but it will be so worth not having to lug those things around anymore. Once transferred to DVD, I need to figure out what I'm going to do with them. I thought about giving them to a Pawn Shop, but I'm selfish and greedy. We paid good money year after year for these movies and most of them are in pristine condition. So, sell them? But where? Then, the guilt sets in and I think, wouldn't it be nice to give them to some organization that could use them for children (I have almost every Disney movie made). But I can't do that with the R rated ones. *sighs again* Decisions, decisions.

This is something I've mulled over for the last three years or so. Now just to decide what I want to do besides transfer them to DVD. And, of course, then I have to decide what to do with all the DVD's. I have all of them on a bookshelf in my bedroom...all four shelves...two deep. Sheesh! But any new ones aren't going to fit and the rest of my bookshelves are cover, two and three deep, with books. I heart my books! So, it will be off to Walmart for another put-together book shelf. :)

Life is never boring....