Ok, so I've been down and whining a lot lately. I still feel like whining, but have made the decision that it's just not going to make things better no matter how much I wish it would.
Life sucks. Life isn't fair.
I have decided my short stories need to be polished so that the novel of my life is worth reading. Cliche? Maybe, but I love that quote. And I think it's time to apply it to my life.
Life sucks. Life isn't fair.
"Life is a handful of short stories, pretending to be a novel."
- Anonymous
I have decided my short stories need to be polished so that the novel of my life is worth reading. Cliche? Maybe, but I love that quote. And I think it's time to apply it to my life.
All the short stories that made up my childhood and young adult life are over and cannot be edited. :) So, I will concentrate on the current story of my life.
I have moved. That is a good thing. Sad, but good. I will take the house I now live in and make it my own. I will decorate, I will infuse who I am into each corner so that anyone who comes to visit will see me. Will know me. Not that anyone will actually visit.
I will edit my story to do things that make me happy. I will strive to be friendlier, to be more open. I'll struggle through that editing since I'm shy by nature. Nanette!! I need you to come validate my editing!!! Ahem, sorry.
Another quote I'm fond of and which played a significant part in the short story where I lose my husband is this:
"The real reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life gets again after the hell is over."
I love Ernest.
I contemplated that...when I lost him. But ultimately, I wasn't ready to go, even if I didn't know it and the pain was so great that I never thought I'd breath again.
I'm breathing now. Of course, life has a way of throwing things at me that make my breathing hitch, and not in a good way.
I lost a friend recently. My heart goes out to his partner. They were one of those couples that made your heart warm and your life a little brighter. But, it's never easy being the one left behind. I know. Very well.
But life goes on. There is nothing you can do about it. What you can do is chose how to live your life with a very significant part of you missing.
After listening to so many people, advice, condolences, etc. I realized. My soul mate would not want me to wallow in misery, self pity or grieve for him. He is happy. He is free. I should be happy for him. Now, that said, it is so much harder to do than to say. The pain is intense. It doesn't go away. Whether you lost this love yesterday, or years ago, the pain is there. It just fades to the background, only to flare up when something happens to remind you of it.
Like losing a friend.
But, really, when you think hard about it. Isn't the pain of loss better than being numb? I used to think that wasn't true. I'd rather be numb than hurting so bad. But that old saying, "It's better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all", is true. My life is richer for knowing my husband. My life is richer for knowing my friend. My heart breaks for his partner, knowing what he is going through.
My dear bear friend, I won't regal you with cliche's that mean nothing. But I will tell you that the pain fill fade enough to breath again.
I contemplated that...when I lost him. But ultimately, I wasn't ready to go, even if I didn't know it and the pain was so great that I never thought I'd breath again.
I'm breathing now. Of course, life has a way of throwing things at me that make my breathing hitch, and not in a good way.
I lost a friend recently. My heart goes out to his partner. They were one of those couples that made your heart warm and your life a little brighter. But, it's never easy being the one left behind. I know. Very well.
But life goes on. There is nothing you can do about it. What you can do is chose how to live your life with a very significant part of you missing.
After listening to so many people, advice, condolences, etc. I realized. My soul mate would not want me to wallow in misery, self pity or grieve for him. He is happy. He is free. I should be happy for him. Now, that said, it is so much harder to do than to say. The pain is intense. It doesn't go away. Whether you lost this love yesterday, or years ago, the pain is there. It just fades to the background, only to flare up when something happens to remind you of it.
Like losing a friend.
But, really, when you think hard about it. Isn't the pain of loss better than being numb? I used to think that wasn't true. I'd rather be numb than hurting so bad. But that old saying, "It's better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all", is true. My life is richer for knowing my husband. My life is richer for knowing my friend. My heart breaks for his partner, knowing what he is going through.
My dear bear friend, I won't regal you with cliche's that mean nothing. But I will tell you that the pain fill fade enough to breath again.
Beautiful, Carah. Simply beautiful. And so very true. Most things are easier to say than to do, but being able to do them in spite of ourselves is what makes them so special. The accomplishment and personal victory is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
ReplyDelete*hugs* To you, my friend. For we need one another to soldier on...we weren't meant to walk our paths completely alone.
A~