I was the definition of shy wall flower in high school. I was never a member of any "Clique". Unless you counted the awkward, unwanted losers.
Unfortunately, that feeling of low self-esteem rears it's ugly head every time I feel excluded...in any way. It's stupid. I'm an adult now. I shouldn't have to feel accepted to live my life. And 9 times out of 10, I'm not really being excluded. Or maybe the times I feel that way, I'm actually sabotaging myself.
Regardless, the cliques in high school were devestating to me. I didn't belong, I never would. I know I'm a geek, but I didn't even fit in with them because I wasn't smart enough. That I still carry those scars upsets me.
I read an article on stress management that includes cliques and the feelings of exclusion, http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art24744.asp
What I found in a paragraph, and the ways of coping with exclusion were eye opening and I plan on using the information myself.
"Move past the small, limited world of the clique. Meeting new people is energizing and stimulating. Moreover, friendships are forged on many levels fulfilling different needs. They don’t all have to be equally intense. By the same token, newcomers to any group need to be patient, taking things slowly and lightly. Friendships take time to deepen.
It all boils down to cultivating a strong core of self-confidence. Accept who you are. Comparisons to others drain you of personal power, robbing you of a perception of your own uniqueness. Express yourself genuinely and take yourself out of the competition.
Here is how adults can move past feelings of exclusion.
Unfortunately, that feeling of low self-esteem rears it's ugly head every time I feel excluded...in any way. It's stupid. I'm an adult now. I shouldn't have to feel accepted to live my life. And 9 times out of 10, I'm not really being excluded. Or maybe the times I feel that way, I'm actually sabotaging myself.
Regardless, the cliques in high school were devestating to me. I didn't belong, I never would. I know I'm a geek, but I didn't even fit in with them because I wasn't smart enough. That I still carry those scars upsets me.
I read an article on stress management that includes cliques and the feelings of exclusion, http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art24744.asp
What I found in a paragraph, and the ways of coping with exclusion were eye opening and I plan on using the information myself.
"Move past the small, limited world of the clique. Meeting new people is energizing and stimulating. Moreover, friendships are forged on many levels fulfilling different needs. They don’t all have to be equally intense. By the same token, newcomers to any group need to be patient, taking things slowly and lightly. Friendships take time to deepen.
It all boils down to cultivating a strong core of self-confidence. Accept who you are. Comparisons to others drain you of personal power, robbing you of a perception of your own uniqueness. Express yourself genuinely and take yourself out of the competition.
Here is how adults can move past feelings of exclusion.
- Don’t let others have power over you. Realize that even the most popular feel insecure. In fact, you might be excluded because you seem unapproachable – they might feel undermined by you hanging on the sidelines! Reach out; leave your comfort zone to make the first move.
- Emit positive vibes. People gravitate to positive people. Be the best that you can be and others will be attracted to you.
- See the basic comedy of manners in the clique. Don’t take them so seriously. Laughter generates endorphins and will help you see other possibilities.
- Get rid of that air of desperation. If you act like a victim, you will be treated like a victim. Living well is really the best antidote. Act as if and soon you will be feeling much happier and relieved. Have confidence that things will work out in the end.
- Focus on past successes and what qualities you incorporated to make them a success. Transfer these qualities to other areas of your life- like making new friends.
- Keep growing. Get out and learn new things and visit new places. If you have other sincere friends in your life, who cares about one or two less. Focus on who and what you have- not what you are missing.
- Get involved at your child’s school: class mother, committees, school programs, etc. You will help your child by being in the know about school. You can be creatively involved, suggest improvements and be there to have some input."
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